Race Relations

5 Things To Know – Before Dating Outside Of Your Race

Most of the time, when you hear someone utter advice in regard to interracial dating, it comes with caveats, and often, a suggestive admonition designed to detour you from such a self-inflicting venture. Of course, the counsel may be disguised as well-intended – but nevertheless encapsulated with proclivities designed more for the counselor than the recipient.

Interracial dating is not for everyone, particularly for those who are bigoted. It’s okay, not everyone is willing to reach outside of their own perspective. So what, that’s them. But for those who are permissive about dating or willing to look beyond the exterior, this list was compiled to assist you in those pursuits.

1. Find Out How Your Partner Feels About Other Races – Including Their Own

Having a conversation about race will reveal a lot about your partner’s psyche. If your partner is dating you because of a disdain for their own race, then they might be uncomfortable with your children, relatives, or friends who are of the same racial group.

Yes, there are individuals who date exclusively outside of their own race – as opposed to tacitly being open-minded. Be careful, this could be a red-flag.

There are some who date outside of their race because they feel less desirable within their own racial demographic – that’s another can of worms. But feeling dejected or less desirable within your race is entirely different than purposefully venturing outside of your race while refusing to date within it.

Of course, it’s perfectly fine to venture outside your racial demographics – but find out how your partner feels about other racial groups as well – this can be telling. If your partner has particular contempt for ANY racial group – including their own – then it might be a good idea to keep it moving

You want someone who has an open mind – not a narrow one.

2. Don’t Assume Your Family Members Will Approve

Who are you trying to make happy – your family, friends or you and your partner?

This may seem obvious on the surface – but hold on. For many who’ve dated outside of our race in the past, we’re familiar with our mere presence eliciting a specific response from family members. Of course, you should never go into a situation with the assumption that someone is going to disparage you or your partner – but be prepared – and don’t shy away from this discussion.

Even if you’ve never heard a racist remark out of one of your family members, don’t be surprised by anyone who doesn’t react the way you expected.

Your family’s behavior doesn’t reflect upon you, so don’t be offended by what your partner might have to say. Like anything else, have an open-dialog about how your partner feels around your family.

Whether or not your family accepts your partner’s race is not about your partner, it’s about you – and the choice you’re making. It’s about your happiness, not about pleasing someone else – including your family members. An emotional bond is hard to break or push aside, but if your family can’t accept your choice because of your partner’s race – then those relationships need to be further explored.


3. Discuss Children

Find out how your partner feels about biracial children – even if you don’t have immediate plans on having them. Discussing children is not necessarily about the future as much as it is about the present. This can reveal how your partner genuinely feels about you – and nothing brings out cultural differences like the discussion of children.

The subconscious tendency is to mold our children after ourselves – within our own culture – which makes this conversation more relevant to interracial couples. And of course, this is where outside influences can come in to play.

Children can bring out the most unadulterated conversations you will ever have with your partner – as it should.

Interracial couples have an advantage of learning & experiencing the best parts of each culture –  and so will your children.


4. Discuss How Your Going To Handle Racist Remarks

Don’t wait until the time comes – and have a basic game plan in place. Of course, there are different factors and scenarios when it comes to dealing with discrimination. Everyone has different ways of reacting to offensive statements – but don’t avoid this conversation. Ignoring how you’ll handle the problem only makes it worse. Chances are, you’ll have different ways of handling it.

Even if your plan is to ignore racist remarks in most situations, that’s fine – as long as you’re on the same page. This will be a learning experience for both of you.


5. Show Off. Don’t Be Afraid To Hold Hands, Kiss in Public & Take Pictures

First and foremost, show your partner that you’re proud to be with them. This will also weed out those who may disapprove. 

Even in this day and age, there is a need for visibility. Normalizing interracial relationships is exactly what we need, and there is still an unspoken stigma attached.

Too often, people are uncomfortable with interracial couples. So what, let them be pissed off.

It goes like this, if you notice someone staring or who is visibly uncomfortable – a quick kiss or a peck on the cheek should do it. Trust me, you’re doing them a favor by showing public affection – and no one is forcing them to look.

If your relationship has developed past the initial stages, then take lots of pictures together, show your partner off, show your smile – and don’t give a damn about what others think.

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